My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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