Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
