I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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