i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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