is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
