"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
