No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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