How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
