Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
