She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
