my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
