I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
