So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
