Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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