Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think my moral compass just broke
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
