Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize