What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
