the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
