I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
