So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
FUCK WHALES
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