im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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