I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
