he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
