I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
