Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
well, you know. whores of a feather.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
