Can i not drive my cunt home
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
