Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
