Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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