Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Your cock deserves a montage
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
