Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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