i'm signing you up for texting rehab
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
