So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
