I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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