So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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