did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
