Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
