She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
