you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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