its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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