he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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