its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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