Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
