i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my being single is dangerous.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
