South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
