Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
