we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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