My sheets look like a crime scene.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
