I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
