I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
