im six kinds of drunk right now
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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