I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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