Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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