She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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