party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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