Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
