We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
