The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
love makes seman taste better
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
