I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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