and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
ugly people sure do ruin things
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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