Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
