smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
