so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
