My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
