in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
