we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
